New.

Isn't it funny how certain things just tug at our hearts, make our eyes fill with those oh-so bittersweet tears. Looking ahead to the "new" while we cling to the "old"...the "now", wishing to savor it just a little longer.

Anthony is exactly two weeks away from his third birthday. He is now pretty much potty trained (aside from naps and night time). And tomorrow he finally moves into a big boy bed. He's very excited about his space ship bedding, and can't wait to have an Angry Birds birthday cake. He tells everyone he sees that's he's going to be THREE and go to preschool. And I smile proudly, trying to remember where the time went. Eager to jump head first into this new adventure...holding on to the present for just a bit longer. The signs of any babies living in this house are slowly disappearing - no more bottles or gates, no diapers or changing table, and tomorrow, no more cribs...

As I write this, he's napping in his crib for the last time. Snuggled up in the far left corner with his mo-mo and puppies. Dream big, sweet boy...new adventures await.

Weeks 45 - 52

I don't know what happened in November, but I only managed to get two pictures. This project was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I mean come on! One picture with my kids a week...? Piece of cake, right? Wrong.

Week 45

Sat., Nov. 17 - Bonfire at my brother's house. The kids love hanging out with their cousins, big and small.

Week 46

 

Thurs., Nov. 22 - Thanksgiving Day! Yeah, this is the best I was able to get. Gotta love Matthew's orange mouth. 

Week 47

 Sat., Dec. 1 - Elfie joined our family for the month of December. The boys loved finding him every morning, and still ask about him now.

Week 48

Sat., Dec. 8 - Sottile Family Christmas Party. Wes even got a visit from Santa!

Week 49

Sat., Dec. 15 - We finally got our Christmas tree! The plan was to go to a farm and cut one down the weekend before, but the kids were sick (since Thanksgiving) so we pushed it off a week. And never made it to the farm. You can't tell by this picture, but the boys *did* have fun.

Week 50

Mon., Dec. 24 - Christmas Eve dinner at my parent's house. Ahh, the obligatory forced picture in front of the tree...

Week 51

Tues., Dec. 25 - Christmas Day, Anthony playing on my phone after a yummy dinner at mom's...ok so technically this wasn't a new week. And this is the last picture of the year, so I'm short by one. Not too bad, considering that I didn't think I'd make it past June.

Reconnect. And Repair.

Some days, things start out rough but end well. Other days start out great, but go down hill with every passing minute. We've all had THAT day (or week). It's the day your children wake up way too early, and have 18 requests before your feet even hit the ground. It's the day you break up a sibling war before you've even had your first sip of coffee. It's the day that all the aches, fatigue, and stress from the past week build up into one unsuspecting moment, and you're staring at a simple request or conflict turned massive meltdown. For everyone. And it's the day I want to be anywhere but here, in this moment, because I can't stop the cycle. And every spoken word oozes frustration, every breath a tired sigh.

And it is this kind of day that I think "maybe I need to change my attitude if I want my child to change his". Maybe I need to force myself to laugh. When getting on the floor for a game of "tackle and tickle" is the last thing I want to do, maybe it's just the thing I need to do. When I really didn't want to play cars, I should have just played cars. Or maybe we both need a release. A total utter emotional breakdown. A good, long, gut-wrenching cry.

Yes. That did it.

He sobbed into my arms in his room. He cried getting ready for bath. He cried during and after. He cried until the tears stopped flowing and his throat was sore. And finally he said "I just had a really bad day". Me too, buddy. But it doesn't have to end on a bad note; we don't have to give up and let the bad day win. We can reconnect. And repair.

Weeks 30 - 44

Time flies when you're having fun and not keeping up with your pictures!

Week 30

Sat., Aug. 11 - Yep, a lovely view of my feet. But if you look past that, and past the sand, you see our boys splashing in the water at Winding Trails.

Week 31

Sun., Aug. 12 - Just before Matthew's swim lesson. He has been taking lessons for about 3 months now and is doing so well. This is the same child who needed his face covered with a washcloth while getting his hair washed.

Week 32

Sun., Aug. 19 - Goofing off at Babcia's house. I can't flip him around like I used to, he's so darn heavy.

Week 33

Fri., Aug. 24 - Vacation in New Hampshire. What a great time we had! My brother, sister, and their families came with us. On this particular day, we all rented a boat and had so much fun! It took Anthony a bit to warm up to it (Matthew as well), but the donut helped. 

Week 34

Thurs., Aug 30 - Dropping Matthew off for his first day of Kindergarten. So bitter-sweet. He was so excited! I was a mess...I did manage to hold it together until he went inside and we turned around to walk home.

Week 35

Tues., Sept. 4 - Between you an me, I have no idea when I actually snapped this. I knew I was behind a week and this was the best I could do without a 3rd party around. I call it "Me and My Shadows"...literally and figuratively.

Week 36

Sun., Sept. 16 - Celebrating Julia's 5th Birthday!

Week 37

Mon., Sept. 17 - Matthew was off from school so we headed to Auer Farm. It felt like we were the only ones there, even the animals were awfully quiet. By the way, Matthew snapped this picture...not too shabby.

Week 38

Thurs., Sept. 27 - I surprised my boy at school and joined him for lunch. The look on his face when he walked in the cafeteria and saw me was priceless!

Week 39

 

Sun., Oct. 7 - A fellow kindergarten mom took this at a birthday party for Matthew's friend Max. He came over to show me his pinata stash.

Week 40

Mon., Oct. 8 - My cousin and I took our troops to Foster Family Farm since everyone was off from school. The kids had so much fun running through the corn maze, playing on the train and playscapes, racing go-carts, and just being together.

Week 41

Thurs., Oct 18 - Movie Night at the Wolcott Children's Forest. We had our blankets and chairs and snuggled up to watch The Lorax. Matthew spent most of the movie hanging out with the big kids up on the hill. (Photo taken by a kindergarten mom.)

Week 42

Mon., Oct. 22 - Vacation on the Cape. We were on our way to hike the White Cedar Swamp Trail, but hopped out of the car to say hello to "Freddy the Horse".

Week 43

Thurs., Oct. 25 - We spent the morning at Chatham Beach, one of our favorite places. The weather was so beautiful, I could have sat on the sand all day. In all my (and our) years of going to the Cape, this was the first time we saw seals!

Week 44

Wed., Oct. 31 - Happy Halloween! Luckily, Hurricane Sandy didn't do much damage in our area so we were able to celebrate Halloween (unlike last year, when we were without power for a couple of weeks due to a freak snowstorm that hit days before Halloween). We went Trick-or-Treating with Aleksandra, our triplet friends, and their cousin.

For judging you, I am sorry.

Dear sister, friend, and stranger, 

I judged you. I judged your choices before becoming a mother myself, having never walked in your shoes. When you chose to have an epidural, I judged you. Until I begged for one while laboring with my first born. When you gave your newborn formula, I cringed a little. Until I fed my own the same way. When you brought your baby into bed with you, I said my children would sleep in their own rooms, in their own space. Now I bring our toddler into our bed when he cries out in the middle of the night, soaking in his sweet breath on my cheek. "My children would fall asleep on their own", I said, when you laid in your child's bed until he drifted off into sweet slumber. Yet I still sit in my 5+ year old's room at bedtime, and still rock my 2.5 year old for his nap, because one day, they won't want me to. When your two year old was sucking on a pacifier at the park, I thought it looked silly. My oldest had his until almost three. When you read food labels with such intensity and brought out the home-made organic kale chips, I rolled my eyes. "Everything in moderation", I said. Until I learned that not everyone charged with our health and nutrition always has our best interests in mind. I'm now much more careful and selective about what I feed my family. And I love kale chips.

Oh yes, I was the perfect mother once...before I actually became one. So for judging you, I am sorry. I promise to be more mindful, more empathetic, and to remember that a five minute glimpse into your day only tells a very short story.

Speech Therapy

I've been talking a lot about Matthew, with him turning 5 and starting kindergarten...well now it's Anthony's turn. Oh this child is so sweet and cute and funny. And the other day he had his 6 month speech therapy evaluation. Dawn has been coming to our house once a week, and while I can't quite explain HOW she does it, the sessions have helped him tremendously.

Just for reference, during her first visit 6 months ago, she wrote down that Anthony had about 8-9 words that he would say on a regular basis; he would point and say Mmm-mm for anything he wanted. He would get frustrated easily because he was not able to communicate his wants and needs.

Now, just 6 short months later, he is using 3-4 (and sometimes 5) word sentences. He no longer grunts to communicate, he no longer points unless it's accompanied by words. He repeats everything. He sings songs. And while some people might still have a hard time understanding him, his progress makes my heart sing. Even Matthew gets excited and starts cheering him on when he masters a new word or phrase. The next step is to work on articulation, and just keep on increasing the language. These services will end once he turns 3, and if he needs additional help beyond that, we would go through the West Hartford School system.

We are so very proud of our boy. He's worked so hard (and let me tell you, Speech Therapy is hard work! I'm exhausted after the hour long visit.), and he's so proud of himself. And we could not love this little bundle of cute any more than we already do.

He dressed himself that morning...complete with Matthew's rain boots.

Weeks 22 - 29

Week 22

Sun., June 10 - Anthony and I at the Sottile Family Summer Picnic at Greg and Melissa's house. It was a beautiful 85 degree day! The boys had so much fun playing with their cousins, and we enjoyed catching up with family that we don't get to see very often.

Week 23

Sat., June 16 - Skull Island Mini Golf at the Cape. Even Anthony got in on the action. And while we're not quite ready to sign a contract with Titleist, they do ok. More importantly, they love it.

Week 24

Sun., June 17 - Father's Day at the Cape. It was a gorgeous day - sunny, breezy, perfect. We went to First Encounter Beach for a bit.

Week 25

Thurs., June 21 - Carlie's Birthday! The boys and I spent the day at Winding Trails, awaiting her arrival. The four of us got to visit her just a couple hours after she was born.

Week 26

Thurs., June 28 - We had a small gathering to celebrate my birthday. I love the top picture with Matthew, and just laugh at the flame of candles on the second one. There really weren't THAT many on there. And yes, I had two cakes. You can never have too much cake, I always say. 

Week 27

Wed., July 4 - Hanging out at my sister's house. Matthew was way too busy riding his scooter to stop and take a picture. 

Week 28

Sat., July 21 - We were at my sister's and Matthew and Anthony wanted to have a dance party. Polka was the genre of choice, which they listen to when in my mom's car. Niki snapped this after we all collapsed on the couch. 

Week 29

Sun., July 22 - Just another day at the beach. Life's tough, I know...Gone are the days when Anthony would take a nap in the stroller. This day we was so very tired, didn't want to play, didn't want to be in the water, and just curled up on my lap. I started singing to him and off he drifted. He took about a 1 hour nap on me. Loved every second of it.

Happy Birthday to me! And a list.

Ahhh, the big 3-5. Officially closer to 40 than I am to 30. My 30th was wonderful, I didn't even give it a second thought. I had just had Matthew, things were great. Something about 35, though...it just feels "different". Not bad, just different. My life is very different than it was 5 years ago. Perhaps I've changed in the past 5 years as well? I hope for the better... I'm feeling more comfortable in my own skin, taking better care of myself, more confident in the choices I make, more willing to admit when wrong - ok, so I'm working on that one. Anyway, life is good. And 35 is going to be great!

So in honor of turning 35, I've put together a "bucket list", if you will. Thirty-five things I hope to do in my 35th year (some before I turn 40). 

1. Run a 5K. An official one (I can already run 3.1 miles).
2. Splurge on designer denim. Don't laugh at me.
3. Take swimming lessons. No, I don't know how to swim. Yes, really. I told you not to laugh at me.
4.  Finish the boys' toy room.
5. Organize (and print out) a ton of pictures. This one is overwhelming.
6. Do a wine tasting.
7. Update the boys' baby books.
8. Have a girls' weekend in NYC.
9. Have the main bathroom remodeled.
10. Lose my mom-pouch. If it kills me.
11. Have a sunset picnic on the beach with my hubby.
12. Make a real plan to go back to Hawaii. We keep saying "in a few years", every year. 
13. Redo our bedroom. Top to bottom.
14. Fly a kite.
15. Go sledding down the hill at Wolcott Park.
16. Get a full body massage.
17. Have a camp fire in our back yard.
18. Take a vacation to Montana or Colorado...oooh Yellowstone! I'm probably going to floor my husband with this one.
19. Make one of those amazing decorated cakes for Matthew and/or Anthony's birthday.
20. Do more random acts of kindness
21. Read more; aiming for 1 book a month at this point.
22. Master my DSLR.
23. Go back to Disney.
24. Make a piece of pottery with the kids.
25. Enjoy an outdoor concert or performance of some sort.
26. Go to a drive-in.
27. Make a photo book.
28. Get better at this: "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly Plants." ~ Michael Pollan. 
29. Get Anthony to give up the mo-mo, sleep in a big boy bed, and out of diapers.
30. Get more creative with cooking.
31. Run through someone else's sprinkler.
32. Build something. Anything.
33. Make lasagna.
34. Dance under the stars. Anyone having an outdoor wedding anytime soon??
35. Unplug more, live in the moment more, appreciate more.

Still rockin' the oil.

So it's been a while since I started using the oil cleansing method, and I thought I'd give a bit of an update for the 1.3 people who care. I think I like it! I don't know that my skin feels any cleaner or softer than when I was applying a chemical filled cleanser, but it sure doesn't feel worse. And the other day, a friend told me my skin looked great, and asked if I had anything done, like a peal or something. Sweet.

I have since started using castor oil, along with olive oil and a couple drops of tea tree oil. And yes, this concoction still sits in a shot glass on my bathroom counter. I really need to find something else to put it in. I made a batch using 3 tablespoons of olive oil to 1 tablespoon castor oil, and at some point I think I added maybe another teaspoon of castor, which seems to be working better since I have combination skin.

I think I'll keep up with it. I like having all the ingredients at home, and I love that they are all natural. Plus, a little goes a LONG way (I use about 1/4 teaspoon per wash).  If you are even remotely curious about it, try it out. But I will warn you, you really do have to give it a sold 1-2 weeks for your skin to adjust. 

Weeks 17 - 21

What a busy month it has been!

Week 21

Fri., June 1 - Matthew's graduation from Quaker Lane Nursery School. What an amazing day. A year ago, he got overwhelmed and ran to me before the ceremony even began. This year he sang, performing every song, and walked up to get his diploma with such a proud look on his face.

Week 20

Sun., May 20 - First Winding Trails visit of the season. Matthew wanted nothing to do with the water, so he was off riding his bike (being watched by my sister, brother-in-law, niece, and her friend Sarah). I had the incredibly hard task of watching Anthony throw pebbles into the water. After the beach, Matthew and I picked Bobby up from the airport, while Anthony went to bed (my mom was with him).

Week 19

Sun., May 13 - Mother's Day cookout at my sister's. Believe it or not, this is the best picture we got. I wish my husband could have been there to celebrate with us, but I had a wonderful day and spent it surrounded by my loving family.

Week 18

Fri., May 11 - Making s'mores at Michelle's house. That was the day hubby left for Australia for 10 (no, not 9 honey!) days.

Week 17

Fri., May 4 - Matthew's 5th Birthday! What a fun day that was. I was the helping parent at his school that morning, we brought in chocolate cupcakes to share with his friends that we baked the night before. We spent a good part of the day playing outside, then went out to dinner at Rainforest Cafe. Anthony hated it, the thunder and loud animals overwhelm him...but he was a trooper for his brother.

A darker shade of green: the oil cleansing method.

 In my quest to become "greener", I'm cleansing my face with oil. Yes, oil. As in EVOO a la Rachel Ray.

I first heard about the oil cleansing method from an online community I'm a member of. I admit, at first I was a bit grossed out about rubbing straight up OIL onto my face. For crying out loud I cook with this stuff! (And make a mean vodka sauce, I might add...) I don't care for feeling like a greasy pizza...and that's what I envisioned. But the more I read, the more intrigued I became.

I have to admit, I'm pretty low maintenance when it comes to skin care. I don't invest a ton of moola on cleansers and moisturizers. I never wash my face at night...unless I happen to be wearing foundation and blush and such for a special occasion. Otherwise, it's washed in the morning in the shower. And as I approach a certain ripe age of ahem-blah-blah-something-five, yeah I'm seeing the wrinkles and "laugh lines"...not so damn funny I have to tell you. But like the 2 or 3 (hundred) gray hair I find on a regular basis, I don't really get my panties in a twist about it. But I'm told this is supposed to eliminate the need for moisturizers and anti-aging crap.

Listofhealthyfoods.com

So, moving on. Oil cleansing method. I have heard great things about Castor Oil, and while I do want to pick some up I decided to start today regardless, because I ran out of my cleanser and figured now was as good a time as any. So feeling like a teen sneaking a can of beer into the garage, I crept into the bathroom with my bottles of olive oil and tea tree oil. The funny thing is, only Matthew and Anthony were home. Not like they'd raise an eyebrow. I added a teaspoon of olive oil and 3 drops of tea tree oil into a shot glass...that's hard core right there, I know. I mixed it around and applied it to my face, massaging for about 15 seconds. It felt nice. I *think* I might have felt some grit after a while...but it could have been my mind playing tricks on me. Then, I wet a washcloth with HOT water and placed it on my face. Waited until it cooled, and repeated. Then  gently wiped the oil off with the same cloth, repeated this a couple of times.

When I was done, my skin felt utterly...normal. Not tight like it is with a regular cleanser. Not pizza-pie greasy like I expected. Just CLEAN. And soft. It's now the end of the day and I don't have the same dry patch appearing on my forehead. I did feel a little "damp" this afternoon while out and about, but I think that might have more to do with the 387% humidity outside than the oil. Once indoors, my skin feels normal. So far, so good. I plan on sticking with it for a while. And like I said, I want to get some Castor Oil as it is supposed to be super-bad-ass cleansing. Will report back from the field in a week.

If you have tried this, or plan to, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Mother's Day.

My Mother's Day gift from Matthew. Might be the best gift ever.  

He planted this at school last week and was over the moon excited to give it to me. He kept asking "Mommy, do you love it? Is it the best present ever?". Oh it sure is, buddy.

And yesterday, while we were playing outside, he picked these for me from our yard. With the biggest, brightest smile he said "Happy Mother's Day mommy, you're the best mommy ever!" 

How did I get so lucky??

And finally, we have a new mommy (of multiples!) in our neighborhood. Cuteness overload, folks! I just want to take them home and snuggle them...but she hissed at me, so I didn't. 

Happy Mother's Day everyone! Hope you're surrounded by love.

Moms, enough.

I had the chance to observe and talk to several college students today. I knew nothing about them, but was able to conclude several things about their childhood just by watching them. All names have been changed to protect those with inferior parents.

When I met Jason, it was clear that he was breastfed way past the socially appropriate and acceptable length of time...whatever that may be. He had such a fascination with boobs, it was quite uncomfortable. And the way he would not leave his mother's side...ugh. Cut the cord already, would you?

Ben was obviously a bottle-fed baby. He had awful teeth, and the way he chugged from his water bottle...total bottle mouth. Pretty sure he still sleeps with his Playtex Nurser.

I'm sure Amy co-slept with her parents, actually IN their bed. Can you image? This must be the reason she chooses to commute to and from school, so that she can still co-sleep. We all know that once they're in your bed, you can't get them out!

Brenda was a crib baby, I just know it. She's totally detached, and I think she still cries herself to sleep and sucks on her 6 pacifiers that her mother used to toss in her crib as a baby.

And finally Josh. Poor Josh...still strapped to his mother's hip in a sling at the age of 18. How will he ever learn to walk?

Goodness, didn't their parents know they were doing everything so so wrong??
--
Absurd, right? No, these aren't real people. And there is no way one would be able to make such conclusions by looking at a child, teen, adult. So why do we, as parents, do this to each other? Why are we not capable of supporting each other, sharing information and experiences without an agenda? WHY is parenting a competition? The end goal is the same: raise healthy, happy, confident, compassionate children who hopefully turn into healthy, happy, confident, compassionate adults. We're all just getting there a little differently. Some paths are chosen out of necessity, some by accident. At the end of the day, does it really matter how or why we get there? Parents need support. We need to know that someone else is probably going through the same exact challenges, or that someone has been there and can offer advice, or a different perspective. Let's start a conversation, not a debate.

And to TIME Magazine and their famous, or infamous, cover asking "Are You Mom Enough?"...

 

Am I mom enough for parenting "experts"? Probably not. While thousands of parenting books have been written on how to raise the perfect child, none have been written precisely for or about MY children. And I'm not striving for perfect, because it doesn't exist.

Am I mom enough for other moms? I'm not trying to be.

Am I mom enough for my children? I think (hope) so. But I'll let them be the judge.

And a Happy Birthday it was!

Well, I survived. I had an emotional breakdown the night before Matthew turned 5, and woke up the next morning full of joy and energy. We had such a great day...

I was the helping parent at his school that day. Love seeing my boy "in action".

He played and learned.

And made super special secret gifts (I had to close my eyes and ears).

And enjoyed a birthday cupcake made by yours truly.

 

 

And played some more.

That night, we went out to dinner at Rainforest Cafe, per Matthew's wish. Sean, Helen, and Aleksandra even joined us! Anthony hated it. Like REALLY hated it...but he suffered through it for his big brother. (Insert birthday dinner picture here...as soon as I find it.)

On Saturday, we had pizza and cake at home to celebrate once again. This time with Helen, Aleksandra, Greg, and Nicole. His BIG birthday gift arrived on Thursday, and I finally put it together Sunday afternoon. We still had to charge the battery, but it was all ready and waiting for him when he got home from school on Monday. 

Ready to protect and serve.