2.10.2012

Do as I say, not as I do.

Last night I saw a video that a dad posted to his 15 year old daughter. In this video, he reads a letter that she secretly posted on her Facebook page, where she rants about her home life, list of chores, etc.



My first thought was "Wow, it must have hurt like heck to read something like that. To be embarrassed and disrespected like that by your own child, for all the world to see." He then tries to speak to some of her complaints, mainly about making her parents coffee, cleaning, doing laundry, having to get a job, and so on. It seemed like she might have exaggerated the truth, and maybe the dad down played it a bit. Perhaps the truth is somewhere in the middle, I don't know. In any case, the video takes an interesting turn when the dad pulls out a gun and shoots her laptop, multiple times...to teach her a lesson.

I'm really trying to put myself in his, and her, shoes right now. And as hurt and disappointed as I would be if one of my children did something like this, there is nothing that would make me react like this dad. He sure taught her a lesson, a few of them actually. He taught her that, while it's not acceptable for her to air her frustrations to the masses, it is ok for him to do so in retaliation. Because he is the dad. He taught her that her feelings and needs are not nearly as important as his, because he is the dad. He taught her that she owns nothing, as he can clearly take it away (and shoot it) at the blink of an eye. Because he is the dad. He taught her that she can't go to him with problems, especially family related ones, because no matter what she is going through, it isn't nearly as bad as how he had (has) it. And he's about to make it worse. Most importantly, he taught her that she isn't deserving of the same respect he demands, he is the boss, and if needed he may resort to violence to get his point across (not necessarily towards her, but shooting a laptop isn't the most loving act).

Go ahead, say it..."wait until you have teenagers...". Fair enough. The challenges of raising an almost 5 year old and 2 year old aren't the same as raising teens. Who knows what drama the future holds for me. I do know this, though: children mirror what they see. They are sponges, soaking up the world around them. We teach respect by showing respect. We teach accountability and responsibility by modeling it. Authoritarian parenting isn't the answer. Neither is permissive. There is a middle ground where kids aren't set up to fail, aren't made to feel inferior. Where trust and respect go both ways. Where the word discipline does not mean punish, and where they know that home is safe (because the outside world may not be).

What are your thoughts on this? Opposing viewpoints are welcome :-)

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