Back the Truck Up. Five??

A couple of weeks ago, I started thinking about Matthew's 5th birthday, and his birthday party...do we do a friends and family party? Only friends and an intimate family gathering? Do we invite the class? Etc. And then I started planning. Hard-core planning. I got so excited about this party, looking for inspiration online into the wee hours of the night, having DREAMS about decorations and cake and location...did I mention his birthday is May 4th? Yeah...

I couldn't quite understand WHY I was diving into this head first, so early. I love planning my kids parties, but we surely don't go to extremes. We tend to stick to family gatherings, at home, a few decorations and (an excess of) yummy food. But this, THIS is different. I feel a sense of urgency to get it just right. A sense of excitement that I've not felt before...not since his 1st birthday.

And then it hit me. This is a biggie. He's turning 5. Five. FIVE!!! Do you realize how monumental that is? My baby, my sweet boy who I cradled in my arms, the baby who smelled oh so sweet when he was born, my Matthew Angel-face Puppy-dog who cried in French when he was an infant (le-ow)...he's going to be five. And he's going to start kindergarten. And he's going to be older and bigger...and...and this is about the time in this post when my eyes fill up with tears. And I think, goodness how did we get here so fast? I just had him. No, I'm serious...I JUST had him. My water just broke while watching "My Cousin Vinny", and I just got to the hospital at 11pm, and he was just born at 6:12am, and he just came out with the umbilical cord clenched in his fist, and he just cried that first cry as I pulled him up on my chest, and we just met each other for the first time. I just had him...why am I the only one to see that?

How have almost five years gone by? I think I got cheated. Someone stole the past 4 years of my life. I don't know who, but I want them back. I want to hear his newborn cry one more time. I want to smell his newborn smell one more time. I want to see his first smile, and hear his first giggle, and watch his first step, and everything else he's ever done...one more time. Why is that so much to ask? I don't think it is. I'm not asking for riches and gold. I just want to slow down time, just a little bit. Because I'm not ready for my baby to be 5. I want to keep him little, snuggling in my arms, right where he should be.