Waiting for my "aha!" moment.

When I was about 13 or 14, I was what some might call "moody"...I know, shocking, but it's true. My brother used to joke that I was trying to find myself. Which only caused me to be more moody, because I of course knew exactly who I was, what I was doing, and why. Just like any other teen, I knew everything (I hope you can feel the sarcasm).

Fast forward to now. I think I'm really trying to find myself this time. Almost 5 years into this parenting gig, I think I'm becoming the mother I was meant to be. I've made some adjustments here and there, realized some things about myself and my parenting "philosophy", if you will, and while I know there is always so much more to learn, I can feel a shift occurring in a certain direction.

But it doesn't just start or end with being a mommy. I feel it within me, I see it leading me to something bigger or more profound. But I have no clue what, where, or how. Which makes me restless. I don't like limbo. I'm a planner. And I want to know what it is I'm supposed to do when I grow up. I'm sure it's no coincidence that these feelings are intensifying as I come up on the 1 year anniversary of being laid off...which was such a blessing in disguise for me, and for our family. But there is this something stirring, working its way into my life, and I'm struggling to identify it, embrace it, and allow it to lead me into the next chapter.