Swoon.

Need I say more??

Change.

I am usually not a fan of change. It worries me, it makes my heart skip a few beats, it makes me anxious. I like things planned, especially when they are planned by moi.

But - every once in a while, you have to roll with the punches...or homies, or whatever it is you roll with. I like to roll with homies who throw the occasional punches (snort). And when I do, I find that change can be good. More than good, it can be liberating, and life altering, and just what the doctor ordered.

So, what has changed in our life? Well, I lost my job. I lost a job that I thought was a career. But now I don't know that it was. It could have been...and it could be. But for now, THIS is exactly where I want to be. I am home with my boys. We run errands, and we play, and learn, and do all those thing I missed out on in almost 4years. We snuggle and laugh...and sometimes cry when things don't go our way. I would not trade it for anything. I don't know how long we'll be able to do this...day by day we will figure it out. My wonderful hubby, Bobby, has been nothing but supportive. Just today he told me he would want nothing more than to have our babies home with their mom (Insert squishy sparkly heart here). We'll see. For now, this change is GOOD.

The making of a memory.

I can't remember when this started. I know that Anthony was already here...which might explain why it started...

My nightly routine with Matthew (when daddy is not home in time for bedtime):

He finishes watching his "show" (Spongebob. Don't judge me.), if he hasn't already, he brushes his teeth, and then he gathers up the random items he deems worthy to sleep on his nightstand that evening. He hops on his bed, I turn off the light, and he comes to find me on the glider. He crawls on my lap, giving me the biggest, warmest hug you could ever wish for, and we briefly talk about his day. I always ask him if he had a good day, we talk about what we might do tomorrow, and then I sing Twinkle Twinkle, followed by Baby Boy (a song my husband made up when Matthew was just a newborn). We slowly rock back and forth, I scratch his back, and I sing. Then I carry him "like a baby" to his bed, where he finds Blue Blankie and Baby Bear. I tuck him in, kiss him goodnight, and go back to my comfy glider to sing Twinkle Twinkle and Baby Boy once more. "Night night Matthew, I love you." "Night night mommy, I love you, too...one more Twinkle Twinkle and one more Baby Boy." "Sure baby...".

It seems like a drawn out event, and there are nights when I wish I could fast-forward a little. But I know the nights will come where I wish I could re-wind. So for now, I'll rock him, and sing, and savor this memory in the making.  

Brotherly Love.

There are few things sweeter than the love between Matthew and Anthony. Every morning, Matthew can't wait to see if "Hampy is awakens", and every morning Anthony can't wait to cuddle and head-butt his big brother. Now, don't get me wrong...they have their moments. Toys are snatched, the occasional shove is handed out. But all in all, they are buddies. Matthew thinks Anthony is the cutest creature to ever grace the state of Connecticut, and Anthony thinks Matthew is the greatest thing since cut up strawberries (if you saw how this kid loves strawberries, you would understand the comparison...). They are brothers, siblings, buddies. I am careful not to use the word "friends" since I don't think either of them is mature enough to understand true friendship just yet. But I hope that one day they will be the best of friends. They will conspire against us, they will cover for each other, they will offer the other a shoulder to cry on. They are, after all, brothers...

Matthewisms.

Or "How to be cute without really trying".

There are quite a few words/phrases that Matthew says incorrectly. And because they all sound so darn cute we don't do much to correct him. Actually, he'll sometimes correct us. His way is, of course, the right way. And he's not shy about letting you know it. So here are my top 10, in no particular order.

1. Snow White and the Seven Dwarps
2. Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fife-teen...
3. Pack-pack (backpack)
4. Flordiduh (Florida)
5. Cay Cod (Cape Cod)
6. Twinkle, twinkle widdle star...
7. On-wendge juice (orange juice)
8. Week whacker (weed whacker)
9. Cuh-puter (computer)
10. And how can we forget, the mispronunciation that will stay with his baby brother for the rest of his life (whether he likes it or not): Hampiwy, when he couldn't say Anthony.

There are dozens more, these are just some that we hear on a daily basis.

Authenticity.

Authentic. Real. Genuine.

We like those words. They reassure. They make us feel like whatever X is, X is good. An authentic Van Gogh. Real American Cheese. A Genuine Coach Bag...you know what I mean...

Well it goes for people, too. Some are the real deal. Some are not. And most often than not, you won't know who's who until push comes to shove. Those who can put their own selfish interests aside for a moment to show empathy, offer a hug, a shoulder to cry on, and will call/email to check up on you through the hard times.  And will continue to do so long after the tears stop falling - they are REAL. Those are friends you don't ever want to let go of. You know who you are...I thank you. And I love you.

Those who act (and I emphasize ACT) like they care, they pat you on the back, offer a half-hearted tear, you just know you will never hear from them again. And your footsteps will not leave an imprint on their hearts...because I am not entirely sure they have one.

I want to raise authentic.real.genuine children, who turn into adults who not only care about the world around them, but who stand up to wrong, call BS when they see BS, and who maintain friendships through the good and the bad. I don't know how to teach this. I don't know that it can be taught. So I guess the best I can do is lead by example. Show empathy. Show unselfishness. Show loyalty even when it is not the popular thing to do. Hey, if you're out the change the world, you can't always be comfortable or popular.  I do know that some of the things I have experienced in the past week make me wonder if some people's moral compass is installed properly (or not at all). But I can't change them. That is something they need to work out on their own. In the meantime, I will do what I can to follow the golden rule.